literature

Rumination

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Literature Text

She’s not made of bones
(or sinew, or keratin,
or protein)
and her back doesn’t elope a spine
to lean on, her weight
heavier than earth-bones.
The gushes of oil spills flowing like rain
is the only rivulet in her tears,
the fuel in her blood.

Conjoined with the nuts and bolts found
in the pits of Father’s attic
jaundice skin's impenetrable,
even to the flickering of the candle’s flame
hair rough as ash and long as veins--
she was a battlefield.

But there’s a heart that beats
somewhere in her chest,
rattling like broken teeth;
trying,
trying to shake its enigma loose

trying to thump,

    trying to pump,
      trying to bump


Like the dust in her lashes,
the forty years of silence in her lungs.
The cold of iron and tin and copper
turning to rust
the unexplainable famine
in her throat.

The yearning to read trembling lips.

The passion to remember.

The urge to touch

The will to listen.

Love.

All she ever wanted
in a body of loneliness.

The wind beneath her presence
the warmth of her absence
from the songs of willows,
The weeping of branches.
The twisting of fingers
tracing the ruminations of autumn.

She shapes with her lips
but can’t utter with her voice.

Her hands start to crack
like paper-pressed bones,
a crevice between the valleys
of her mouth bigger than a
faultline.

Soon she’s one of those things
that fall apart
the reason why doves mourn.
NaPoWriMo Day 8

A sad poem with a sad story;

This was originally a tribute to my doll "AstroGirl". I had her when I was a little girl, and she was sent from my mother (who was in Japan that time). She wasn't like Barbie. She looked like a baby cyborg that was sucking a pacifier- heck, I even dressed her like one of those Elizabethan girls with a bonnet and a wig.

She was precious. Even if she wasn't soft or huggable, I couldn't sleep without her.

But I grew up so all my toys went to charity-including her. :tears: "No exception" they said. It was better that way, they said...XP

Anyway, this was far from what I'd expected...

Listened to this while writing (I suggest you do, too) :heart:

:)

:bulletblue: How's the introduction? I'm a bit unsure about the first and second lines, but what do you think?
:bulletblue: Does it read in a nice flow when read aloud? Do the commas and the periods add the needed pauses?
:bulletblue: How's the ending?
:bulletblue: Does the enjambment work? The isolation of the words "Pain." and Love."?
:bulletblue: Any grammatical errors?

-critique for susurrousity's 'velvetgirl'
-read it! it's lovely!

EDIT
Featured in:
:bulletblue:lintu47's dA love for everyone (btw; give this woman as much love as you could give- she's awesome! :love: )

EDIT: Removed the spaces. You guys were right, they don't fit in the piece. Still having conflicts with the punctuation, just you wait.
© 2013 - 2024 brokengod--veins
Comments43
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PrfectShadeOfDrkBlu's avatar
wow, i had no idea this was written about a doll. its a great piece. the introduction is great, it really hooks you and makes you want to read the rest of it. it has a nice flow when reading it. i think all the punctuation and the whole layout (? idk what you would call it lol) works for the poem. it really makes certain emotions and ideas stand out. its really great. i really cant find anything bad about it. its a very interesting piece

=D