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Literature Text
the billowing fire that once engulfed Hiroshima
could come at any moment now...
[sixty-eight harbors of history's silence
crashed and smothered into communism’s hands]
a battlefield gathered by dust and paper lungs
swollen with bloodshed
the gathering of bones and
the ruminations of bird wings
cupped in blistered tear ducts
and sulfuric rust
grandfather’s voice trembling, skin
permeating through dust and sweat and rain
[lips stained with the fear of thinking,
philosophy lingering on the edge of weary fingertips]
The ache of finding a sanctuary
through bitten fingernails
the spread of disease through
blackened mouths and buried bodies
teeth stains with ink,
unforgivable
and now I’m screaming like a rebel,
gray skies locked in my irises,
the ocean heavy with my weeping.
Literature
Hate
I hate
I hate well
I hate feverishly
I am the churning acid in your stomach
I am the blood pounding in your head
I am the white-knuckled fist clenching to strike
I am the red haze dimming your eyes
and clouding your mind
I am the rage that lashes out at the weak
the small and defenseless
justified by tears and fueled by alcohol
I hate passionately
I am the shaking in your hands
and grinding teeth
nails digging into your palms
I am everything you hate
boiling to the surface in a froth of
bile
blood
and excrement
I am the indiscriminate spray of bullets
at the school
church
nightclub
I am the madman raving on the news
heaping blame
Literature
just words
The truth is
I dont just miss you
I miss the person I am with you
I am different when you are here
I am different when you arent
Its not about being together
Or happily ever afters
Its about waking up and knowing
You are in my corner
There were a lot of truths in those last words
Tossing out that box of old hurts and regrets was necessary.
The problem is, there were other boxes
A friendship and trust that had developed
A bond that we didn't resurrect..but that we created and protected from everyone but ourselves
You are bigger than the puzzle piece
That fell out when you left
I am more than the sum of my parts
But Im not the answer I've b
Literature
Looking
I'm looking for somebody
That I can call my other half
He doesn't need to have muscular calves,
Or a chiselled jawline with cheekbones so dreamy
As long as he is pleasant to my eyes
Looks good wearing glasses or without it
Has good manners, won't resort to telling me white lies
I will love him whole, from his hard edges to his cuddly bits.
I'm looking for someone, my bene elim
Who I can dedicate the song "Somebody" by Depeche Mode
Martin Gore had sung all that I want to say to him
But still I wrote this because I'm in love & am plain bored
He will be my rock and my pillow
And I will share to him what makes me mellow
I will tell him about my
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NaPoWriMo Day 9
Based on this (my country is the one that has the least protection and is just south of Korea
) [link] (not the real article I was looking for but you get the idea)
Let me elaborate - when that happens, WWIII might strike, and I got the news a day before April 10, so I was really scared and wrote this. But afterwards, I thought "North Korea? really?" and just laughed at the fact that I was scared in the first place.
April 10 - Nothing happened! XD
I decided to let this sit unattended since it kind of has a sensitive topic and is the most decent NaPoWriMo entry I've made since April 8!
I really should stop experimenting...=_=
Notice self: an entry is an entry. Ugly or not, I must post - remember how much of a clutz I am.
I'll be posting the rest, or will I? *shy*
I'll think about it...
a critique on of lilac and "temperaments" by ~Momo-Valentine
Questions:
I'm thinking about changing 'into communist' into 'in a hermit's ' in the second stanza, because I keep stumbling into articles that say NK's a communist country ([link]) but Wikipedia says it's not, and I don't want to be inacurate. Any opinions?
How's the ending? a bit off-topic, or does it make sense?
Anything out-of-place?
A bit too-out-there? Is the topic a bit balant?
Does the scarcity of lines work?
How's the poem overall?
EDIT:
Featured in:
The Asterismo's Showcase 003 (the group's relatively new, but it's great! 
)
Based on this (my country is the one that has the least protection and is just south of Korea
) [link] (not the real article I was looking for but you get the idea)Let me elaborate - when that happens, WWIII might strike, and I got the news a day before April 10, so I was really scared and wrote this. But afterwards, I thought "North Korea? really?" and just laughed at the fact that I was scared in the first place.
April 10 - Nothing happened! XD
I decided to let this sit unattended since it kind of has a sensitive topic and is the most decent NaPoWriMo entry I've made since April 8!
I really should stop experimenting...=_=
Notice self: an entry is an entry. Ugly or not, I must post - remember how much of a clutz I am.
I'll be posting the rest, or will I? *shy*
I'll think about it...
a critique on of lilac and "temperaments" by ~Momo-Valentine
Questions:
I'm thinking about changing 'into communist' into 'in a hermit's ' in the second stanza, because I keep stumbling into articles that say NK's a communist country ([link]) but Wikipedia says it's not, and I don't want to be inacurate. Any opinions? How's the ending? a bit off-topic, or does it make sense? Anything out-of-place? A bit too-out-there? Is the topic a bit balant? Does the scarcity of lines work? How's the poem overall?EDIT:
Featured in:
The Asterismo's Showcase 003 (the group's relatively new, but it's great! ) © 2013 - 2024 brokengod--veins
Comments31
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1) I'm thinking about changing 'into communist' into 'in a hermit's ' in the second stanza, because I keep stumbling into articles that say NK's a communist country ([link]) but Wikipedia says it's not, and I don't want to be inaccurate. Any opinions?
I believe this change would work quite well. North Korea’s official status depends on whom you ask. “Officially,” according to the country itself, it’s a republic. However, you could easily make an argument for Dictatorship. However, for this particular piece “In a hermit’s” would work far greater not only because it saves you from inaccuracy, but the alliteration in that stanza will be even better (and it is already fantastic, might I add.)
2) How's the ending? a bit off-topic, or does it make sense and 3) Anything out-of-place?
I personally think the last line is unnecessary. The imagery you have in the previous stanza would be a much more powerful ending. Personally, am I dead feels completely out of place to me… not because it doesn't fit but because it doesn't belong in that part of the poem. If you absolutely love it, I would suggest moving it more towards the middle or beginning. If you aren’t stuck on keeping it, get rid of it.
4) A bit too-out-there? Is the topic a bit balant?
I actually think this poem is quite relevant. A lot of people want to stray away from pieces like this because they don’t want to be “political” or “radical” but you’ve done a wonderful job.
5) Does the scarcity of lines work?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. The brevity you’ve employed it perfect. The images pop out of the poem and really hit the reader quite hard.
6) How's the poem overall?
Out of ten, I’d give it an 8. Get rid of “am I dead” and you’ll get a 9.5 out of me. I know it’s a small change for such a big difference but it jarred me that you’d have such a mediocre ending to a poem that otherwise is incredible.
I believe this change would work quite well. North Korea’s official status depends on whom you ask. “Officially,” according to the country itself, it’s a republic. However, you could easily make an argument for Dictatorship. However, for this particular piece “In a hermit’s” would work far greater not only because it saves you from inaccuracy, but the alliteration in that stanza will be even better (and it is already fantastic, might I add.)
2) How's the ending? a bit off-topic, or does it make sense and 3) Anything out-of-place?
I personally think the last line is unnecessary. The imagery you have in the previous stanza would be a much more powerful ending. Personally, am I dead feels completely out of place to me… not because it doesn't fit but because it doesn't belong in that part of the poem. If you absolutely love it, I would suggest moving it more towards the middle or beginning. If you aren’t stuck on keeping it, get rid of it.
4) A bit too-out-there? Is the topic a bit balant?
I actually think this poem is quite relevant. A lot of people want to stray away from pieces like this because they don’t want to be “political” or “radical” but you’ve done a wonderful job.
5) Does the scarcity of lines work?
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. The brevity you’ve employed it perfect. The images pop out of the poem and really hit the reader quite hard.
6) How's the poem overall?
Out of ten, I’d give it an 8. Get rid of “am I dead” and you’ll get a 9.5 out of me. I know it’s a small change for such a big difference but it jarred me that you’d have such a mediocre ending to a poem that otherwise is incredible.