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Dear, dear Eleonor,

    we could've been an analogy;
      skin to bones
      ankles to soles
      spine to limbs
      teeth to lips
      throat to tongue

      heart to lungs...

    but you were mad with fever;
    a throat-borne disease
    and swan neck fingers
    and forget-me-not toes
    held nothing more than the roots
    beneath your paper-pressed wings-


    and possibly the weeping of
    a broken child.


    a halo wrapped
    around the finger of
    a rebel stripped of her voice,
    her chest constricting
    the bittersweet taste of air.


    [please,
    an armor and a shell
    cannot be the same thing,
    and you can't be anything less
    than the same person.]


    young girl,
    your bones aren't bones
    yet, and no matter
    how much you stretch your hands,
    you can't heal the sky
    and ask for heaven in return.
          believe me, I've tried...

    but wish your tears on a star
    and try to find me in your ribcage-
    because gods
    can't hear us sometimes
    and the pleas of
    a girl stuck at fifteen
    cannot weigh the burden of the world;


    and it cannot embrace you
    when the moons in your eyes
    crumble like dust.


          I can, and I will.


    but find me first.
    find me and I'll help you...


    find me,
    and I'll love you.


              always, forever,
              Eleonor.
This is for :iconpoeticalcondition: "Love Letter to Yourself" contest.

As much as I tried to find something to love about...me, it's hard for a teenager to love themselves. We're pretty much the most misunderstood beings in the world; we're taken as kids yet expected as adults. In the end, we do things that make a fool out of ourselves. How would a fifteen year old love herself if that's the case? But all the answers I've been searching for are found within me, just like everyone else. Hence, I decided to make a turn of things: I decided to write an actual message to myself.

This was really theraputic! :) :heart:

And it really became a personal piece...O-O (but hey, that's what letters are for, right?)
:bulletblue: Eleonor- it's my second name...
:bulletblue: Second stanza:
    :bulletblack:mad with fever-I'm a sickly little thing...=_=
    :bulletblack: throat-borne disease- this is no metaphor. I am always a victim of sore throat.
    :bulletblack:swan neck fingers- again, not another metaphor. I can do this: [link] (Swan Neck Deformity)
    :bulletblack: now this is a metaphor. I love forget-me-nots and I think they're very dainty, just like my toes (and the rest of my feet)
    :bulletblack: paper-pressed wings- a metaphor. I think my wings are just as preserved as paper-pressed flowers. They're...waiting to spread...



I might just edit this after the contest... :)

:bulletblue: Any weak points? Powerful, so far?
:bulletblue: How are the line breaks? The contest has a line limit, but I think this needs more line breaks...
:bulletblue: Change of theme a good thing or a bad thing?
:bulletblue: Does the loose rhyming work?

Happy Reading! :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconladyruikai:
ladyruikai Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I may not be a teenager anymore, but this piece is just powerful. Well-written!
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner May 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
salamat! :D
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Student General Artist
I just came back to this poem again (reviewing prompt entries ;)), and I was floored by this, again. I was holding my breath. Not much writing does that. :) Anyway, just wanted to pop in and let you know.
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
aww this was the sweetest thing I've ever read today! :love:

Thank you! :huggle:
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Student General Artist
You're quite welcome :)
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle:
Reply
:iconsmallsincerities:
smallsincerities Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"We're taken as kids yet expected as adults". Oh my god, this. And then adults pull the "You're too young" at the same time as "You're nearly an adult!" at the same time, and I want to bang my head on a wall.

"young girl,
your bones aren't bones
yet, and no matter
how much you stretch your hands,
you can't heal the sky
and ask for heaven in return.


believe me, I've tried..."

That was just perfection. Congrats on winning the competition, and keep writing! :D
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh, finally someone who agrees! :D

and thank you! :huggle:
Reply
:iconsmallsincerities:
smallsincerities Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome! :hug:
Reply
:icondearpoetry:
DearPoetry Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
( A apologize for the late response! )
Congratulations on winning first place!
You have been featured in my journal: [link]
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:) :huggle:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2013  Student Writer
Congrats on first place, Kriz. :heart:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, Ianna! It was really unexpected! :huggle:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Mar 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Gorgeous! :heart:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you! C:

:huggle:
Reply
:iconfuzzyhoser:
FuzzyHoser Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! (:
Reply
:iconprettyflour:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congratulations! You have been featured in my journal!


[link]
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Student General Artist
Absolutely beautiful. Well deserved win :)
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh thank you! :blush:
Reply
:iconperfling:
Perfling Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2013  Student General Artist
You're welcome :)
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: your prize was a llama, but I've already given you one... so I have put this into HumanConditions, where I think it'll fit nicely, if you accept it. :heart:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my gosh, that'll be an honor! :D

Thank you ever so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconspidermilkshake:
SpiderMilkshake Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Professional General Artist
That first part makes me shudder.... and the second part reminds me of a letter for sure.... Such... such... awesome, and feeling and.... line breaks and technical biz and.... Gosh, I'm just gonna go fave this. :D
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
oh wow-what nice words! :D Thanks so much! :)
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Gorgeous work! I really love this. :heart:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:happybounce: I'm estatic that you like my work! :heart:
Reply
:iconriseandbe:
RiseandBe Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
=D :heart:
Reply
:iconmrwootton:
MrWootton Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Professional Writer
I really like how this begins, but it seems to falter in the second half. I'm gonna favorite for the way it begins =)
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the honesty, friend! ^^
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2013  Student Writer
"but you were mad with fever;
a throat-borne disease
and swan neck fingers
and forget-me-not toes
held nothing more than the roots
beneath your paper-pressed wings-

and possibly the weeping of
a broken child."

"you can't heal the sky
and ask for heaven in return."


This is lovely. :love: Good luck!
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:huggle: thank you so much! :huggle:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2013  Student Writer
:hug:
Reply
:icondragonschest:
DragonsChest Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Professional Writer
Wow, that was wonderful. I can see where it would be very therapeutic. :aww:
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
^^ :)
Reply
:icongudrun355:
GUDRUN355 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013
So well written!!!
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :love:
Reply
:icongudrun355:
GUDRUN355 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013
You're welcome! :D
Reply
:iconadagiobunny:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Writer
ahh, i love this so much - paper-pressed wings - healing the sky - we could've been an analogy - it's very honest, internal.
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much! :huggle:
Reply
:iconadagiobunny:
Adagiobunny Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student Writer
most welcome! :D
Reply
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