literature

Aubade

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brokengod--veins's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

the dissonance between your words
string themselves together
to a declaration-
you can't heal
what you've broken;


newborn sunlight drenched in paper-pressed
skin and the flames of dawn
cupped in soft-doe eyes

hands trying to reach the sun
bathed in fragmented skies
and the plea for

a rhapsody in reverse
resting on bones trying to rattle
moon-carved gods loose...

    and you've realized that you've tried.
For the :iconglory-be-project: (I really should keep track of this =_= )

:bulletblack: Aubade-a morning love song (as opposed to a serenade, which is in the evening), or a song or poem about lovers separating at dawn. :)

Title could be changed sooner or later.

:bulletblue: Does dissonance and god fit in the poem?
:bulletblue: How are the line breaks so far? Anything out of place (I keep fumbling around with it)?
:bulletblue: In need of length or leave it as is?
:bulletblue: Any words that feel out of place?
:bulletblue: Are the line breaks ok or should I do I do something about it?

Have a nice day! :)

EDIT
Featured in:
:bulletblue:ITU Feature 14 + V-Challenge Winner - March 27, 2013
:bulletblue: ~imaginative-lioness' journal
© 2013 - 2024 brokengod--veins
Comments13
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camelopardalisinblue's avatar
There's an awful lot of beauty in this one. I'm not going to answer your questions specifically, but I will say that everything about this feels "right" the way it is (which should answer those questions anyway).

hands trying to reach the sun
bathed in fragmented skies


*swoon*