So for the past, I don't know, 3 years of being here in Antipolo my life has gone from an irritable insomniac (no duh) to a socially anxious and very, very, very depressed being. Crazy stuff from being bullied to being somewhat ostracized wherever I went to almost taking my life hurdled my way and made my life a living prison, thus journals of short comings and poems that just depress the hell out of me (and probably everyone else too about my condition). But you know what else was crazy? Looking back at all at that as if it happened to someone else. I'm not kidding. When I think about the past I go into an intense malaise and get really depressed and dramatic.
But now I look back and think "oh so that's what it's about." and make up ways if I had a chance to make things different. But then would I make things different if I had the chance now? Nah. I would've learned what I learned if it wasn't for that.
I wasn't able to jot this down but one night I really pushed my parents to let me to this Battle of the Bands event just a few weeks ago in my old school. Now my old school was miles away from Antipolo and transportation was costly and we're flat out trying to get things together, but I haven't seen my old friends in so long and I was so, so miserable that time so I went for it anyway.
For so long I've always wanted to escape Antipolo and come back to the city where I felt I belong. But when I got there, I realized just how much I didn't want to stay there for long anyway. No kidding I had the night of my life and I bonded with my old friends like never before, but it just hit me in the head. I realized that it wasn't the place I wanted to visit but the feeling of nostalgia, the memories I cherished most, what it was like to be happy before I came to Antipolo. When we left the place, I moved on.
Everything just fell into place from there.
My depression faded, I'm not that socially anxious anymore, and as I'm preparing my new schedule for a new semester and the fillers and everything, I just felt happier. I'm one of those people who put meaning to whatever I do or whatever happens to me, and the battle of the bands was it.The new schedule and fillers were it. I am still going to a new uni but I have to make these last months worth it.
It's a new beginning and it's great. It feels great too.